I’ve been on the testosterone gel for a few years now, but my bloodwork just kept coming back low no matter how much we upped the dose. Because of that, my endo finally switched me over to injections. The big issue is that I have this totally irrational fear of needles.

I’ve managed to get through three shots so far. The first was at the doctor's office with a super patient nurse helping me out, and then I did two at home. That first home one took me a solid thirty minutes just to build up the nerve; I eventually told myself I’d poke on the count of three, though I think I actually hesitated until four lol. The week after that, I thought maybe the "stabbing" motion was the problem, so after an hour of cold sweats and a lot of internal pep-talking, I tried just slowly and gently pushing it in. It worked, but it wasn't easy.

Yesterday was shot day again and I literally spent the entire day holding the needle over my stomach trying to find the courage. I ended up just capping it and telling myself I’d do it today instead. Well, it’s today, and I’ve already wasted over an hour just sitting here sweating bullets and feeling nauseous. I’m honestly disgusted with myself for struggling this much.

The thing is, it’s not even a huge needle - I’m using 27 gauge 1/2" needles. I know for a fact it doesn’t even really hurt, but just the idea of piercing my own skin is tying me in knots. I’ve always hated needles though; apparently it used to take three nurses to hold me down for vaccines when I was a kid. I’m nearly 50 now and I’d like to think I’m a grown-up, but I feel like I’m acting like a total baby. I just need to find a way past this ridiculous phobia.

I do have a therapist, but I don’t see her until Tuesday and I really want to get this done today since I’m already late. If anyone has any tips, tricks, or even just some encouragement, I’d really appreciate it.